


Frozen Diary

by Morning_Star



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Magic, Alternate Universe - Romance Novel, Angst, Asgard, F/M, Jotunn | Frost Giant, Jötunheimr | Jotunheim, Love Potion/Spell, Marvel Universe, Oblivious Thor, Quests, Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morning_Star/pseuds/Morning_Star
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sigur Lokidottir, the youngest daughter of Loki Laufeyson, God of Mischief, was happily married to Thor but something unknown destroyed her blissful life throwing her into a whirlwind of emotions and danger. What will she meet and do to restore her world to its original balance and joy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Sigur Lokidottir is the youngest daughter of Loki, God of Mischief. She was born when the Midgardian worship of the Asgardian gods was already waned and for this reason, she has no place in the Old Norse Mythology.  
She grew up in the realm of Asgard looked after by her mother and Queen Frigga. Sigur’s mother always strived to keep her far from her father because she was scared her daughter might become mischievous and unreliable like him. Loki acknowledged her as his daughter but didn’t do anything more for her until she became a teenager.  
The young Sigur grew up close to her uncle Thor on whom she doted. The blonde God of Thunder never forgot to bring her presents from his missions: toys when she was a child, jewels, clothes and weapons when she was older.  
Sigur loved spending time with her uncle because he spoilt her, made her laugh and took her on rides in the woods around the Royal Palace.  
Time passed by and Sigur became a teenager with a flair for weapons and magic more than the speculations of the court.  
She showed Loki’s same magic abilities thus drawing her father’s attention. The God of Mischief was pleased to know that his youngest child was so gifted and faithful to him. Sigur, indeed, had been keeping following his father’s exploits all her life wishing to be like him. Even if he didn’t pay attention to her, she was peeking at him, keeping him as her example.  
When Loki heard that his daughter was showing such fine magic abilities, he drew closer and began to follow her and help her in the path of dark magic. He even gave her a very precious gift, a sword made of Uru, forged in Svartalfheim and imbued with the powerful magic of the Dark Elves. It name is “Drapteinn”, the wand of Death. 

But Loki wasn’t the only one who drew closer to Sigur.

Over the years, the playful relationship between Thor and Sigur changed slowly turning into something different. The two spent uncountable afternoons and mornings swimming in the crystal clear water of the lake not far from the city but there was a day when everything changed, the day when Sigur spotted Thor swimming all alone. The young goddess hid in the shrubs to spy on him and she couldn’t take her eyes off him even when he emerged from the water in all his godlike beauty.  
Thor’s attitude towards Sigur changed as well and in a matter of time, they fell in love with each other. Neither Loki nor Odin was happy with their feelings and they sought their separation.  
The two grew more and more attached and eventually decided to get married against their powerful parents’ will. 

Sigur became pregnant with the couple’s first child almost immediately and the two spent a blissful year in the wait of the birth. Loki grew increasingly colder towards his daughter, never hiding his deep disappointment for her decision to marry her uncle.  
The day of the birth finally arrived and after a long, painful labour, Sigur gave birth to a healthy baby boy whose name was Erik. That was supposed to be her most joyful day, the day of her rejoicing as she was not only the crown princess but also mother of a crown prince.  
On the contrary, just that very day Thor showed almost complete uninterest in the happy event, in his newborn baby as if Sigur had been only a friend. He paid a hasty visit to his wife and his baby to rush out of the chamber after a few minutes. 

From that day on, Sigur’s life changed dramatically. 

Thor gradually stepped aside her life and their son’s showing no interest whatsoever in the baby’s progresses, his life seemed to go on as if he had been single, with no family to think of. To Odin and Loki that was the perfect and unexpected turn of the events so no one did anything to investigate Thor’s weird behaviour, even tolerating his romance with a mortal woman.  
Sigur was shocked, in complete disbelief but little Erik demanded all of her strength and attention so she devoted all her future years in the care of her child with the help of Queen Frigga.  
Unfortunately, the absence of Thor slowly took its toll on Sigur’s morale and mental stability.  
Little Erik grew up strong and healthy, in many aspects very alike his father and that striking resemblance harmed Sigur’s mind even more throwing her into a restless state, making her longing for Thor every single day, crying for him every single night.  
Despite the concerned pleas of her mother and Queen Frigga to redesign her life and look out for another partner, Sigur stayed strong and always hoped to see Thor coming back to her.  
When her mental health really seemed to slip away from her hands, she took the decision to spend some time to Jotunheim, the original realm of his father Loki. 

The dark, frozen realm of the Frost Giants will save her a breathless discovery that will force her to wander the Nine Realms to restore her own world to its original balance.  
During her long journey to discover what happened to her beloved spouse she will be accompanied only by her magic, her sword and a diary that will gather all her feelings, fears and adventures.


	2. Arrival to Jotunheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigur has arrived to Jotunheim, the dark and frozen reign her own father comes from. The environment is very different than Asgard but she's sure that her weird and unexplicable decision to spend some time there will do her good.   
> Nevetheless, welcome from the Jotnar isn't the best....

Convincing my parents, Odin and even Heimdall to let me come to Jotunheim wasn’t the easiest thing to do. I think that they believe sorrow and loneliness have driven me completely insane to take the decision to come here and isolate myself in such an hostile place. I think I should feel lost, here in the darkness and freeze of this dark world, indeed I feel awkwardly at peace. Maybe it’s the physical change of my body, my Jotunn side that’s got the better of the Asgardian one and that is suggesting me that I have nothing to fear from this place.

My mother looked at me with pleading eyes when I turned to look at her, before stepping ahead on the Bifrost, as if she was expecting me to change my mind. My father’s chiseled features and clear eyes, and I wasn’t expecting anything different from him, didn’t show any feeling.   
The coldness of Jotunheim assaulted me as soon as I set my feet on this world but instead of suffering it, I saw my skin turning into a blue hue, covered by weird marks I seldom saw on Asgard. It had happened only when I plunged my hands into the fresh snow. Heimdall made me the favour to dispatch me not far from the gloomy mass of the former Royal Palace of Jotunheim, the seat of my grandfather Laufey. I walked the short distance to its first buttresses, hearing my own steps on a frozen and barely visible path echoing in the canyon. There was nothing familiar in this place, on his horizon plunged into a bluish dim light.  
High icy spurs surrounded me, peaks from where frozen rocks were rolling down the valley in a deep noise: there’s nothing warm, nothing joyful in this place and yet, I felt better, glad to be here since the very first moment. 

The first Jotnar that saw me arriving growled quietly, it was probably a startled sound, they bent ahead recognizing immediately my origin because only a Jotunn may have given life to such a small Jotunn.   
\- “Sigur… Daughter of Loki…” So I was greeted by who is now ruling over Jotunheim in obedience of Odin’s gracious will. Jotunheim has never had another king after Laufey’s fall even if my father is their legitimate heir. The Jotnar consider Asgard as the power that conquered them and that is still keeping them under its heel, they don’t trust my father. For too long he’s been living in Asgard, often cooperating to its greatness so they don’t believe he will ever claim Jotunheim’s throne to return it to its ancient dignity.   
\- “Why have you come here?” The giant looked at me from his height. - “To spy on us?”   
\- “No!” My voice echoed up those broken arches, travelling along gloomy wretched corridors cluttered with frozen ruins. - “I am here to find peace.”   
Another growl while he scrutinized me thoughtfully: - “How can we trust the daughter of Loki? The wife of Thor?”   
A sigh left my lips: - “So you know that the son of Odin long abandoned me?”   
The giant nodded and I went on: - “I wish to stay here for some time, to find myself. I am asking your hospitality.

I was granted it and also allowed chambers where I can keep my things, the trunk I brought with me and a Jotunn moved into my accommodation. My Asgardian drapes are an incongruous colourful spot in a world made of darkness and ice, I look at them, then I open my trunk and pull out all the things I brought with me: books, a few clothes, some magic object, my sword carefully stored in chest made of precious wood bolstered by golden rivets.  
I put everything in my small frozen room and then I look out the window seeing a bare landscape, an endless expanse of ice and a stormy, blurred horizon. There is no domes that glitter in the mild sun, no statues that raise to meet the clear sky, no thriving gardens full of delicate flowers, no paved streets on which busy and smiling people walk, no gurgling fountains, no sweet Agardian air, no happy laughter of the guests in the halls of Valhalla celebrating their prince’s latest victory, no familiar clanking of the Einherjar’s weapons that train under Odin’s watchful eye.   
And yet… I am home… I feel such a sense of peace I though I had long forgotten, it envelops and restore me. I am not crazy! I only need to find myself again.


	3. Discovering Jotunheim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sigur wants to know the Royal Palace of Jotunheim and walks as far as the temple where his father was left abandoned to die.

Waking up in this place was weird, no muffled voices of my maids, nobody wishing me good morning and above all, no sun rays that escape the heavy curtains that shield the wide windows in my room, on Asgard.   
I woke up alone, in yesterday’s same silent and cold room and I put on my Asgardian clothes that look incongruous and too elaborate in this place, even my golden bangles don’t shine in the cold light of this Jotunn day. 

It’s been two hours I am wandering in this huge palace with roofs so high that they look like vanishing in the never ending darkness. The palace is neglected, wide sections are weather-beaten and the pavements that were once wonderfully polished are scattered with ruins covered with a thin layer of snow. Some points are hard to walk through and I need to use my hands to climb over the remains of the past glory of this place.   
I did good by wearing a comfortable pair of trousers under the heavy cloak with a soft furry neck that tickles my cheeks and jaw.   
Some Jotnar saw me but they didn’t say or do anything, I even think I spotted an amused flash in their red eyes when they saw me wandering around like a curious ant. I wonder if they rather don’t dare stop me or tell me anything because after all, I am the daughter of their king, a king that doesn’t acknowledge the reign he is entitled to. It’s curious! My father craves his own throne and yet, his interest is focused on less attainable reigns and he despises what is legitimately his. Sure, Midgard and Asgard have another fascination, another strength than an icy and dark reign but I am sure he would be able to restore Jotunheim to his past glory. The more I walk along this endless palace and the more I notice weak traces of its past beauty: delicately pointed arches that soar towards the dark sky, intricate decorations that cover the lobated columns, winding and elaborate bulwarks, long corridors flanked by strong and well carved doorways. The Jotnar haven’t been always an half beastly race if they were capable of such craftsmanship. My father proves it: he’s a Jotunn in all respects and yet he’s clever, skillful, astute and good-looking even in his appearance as a Frost Giant. But he is short and thin by the standard of this race and because of this, he was condemned to die on the bare land if Odin’s pitiful hand hadn’t saved him and then, Allfather had not adopted him as his own son. After all, my father had maybe preferred to die here than being raised only to be the basis of negative comparison with Thor. 

I walked so long that I finally reached the throne hall, to the place that was once King Laufey’s throne hall. It’s easy to feel the majesty of the House of Laufey here, the throne, huge, is still there and doesn’t seem to suffer much insult by the time. It’s so tall and so large that I would never managed to sit on it without climbing the pedestal and the icy wall that leads to it. I stop in front of it and I look at it figuring out how this place should have been long time ago, eons ago, before the rebellion of Jotunheim bloodily suppressed by Odin Borsson. I wrap myself tightly in my cloak even if I am not cold but I need to feel something my size under my fingers because I feel lost in this huge hall, as if I were on the plain of Asgard where the wide forests begin, the ones Thor used to take me when I was a child.

I go on walking, turning right and then again left along a corridor that by Jotunn standard must have been rather narrow and I finally arrive where I wanted to come: a bare and gloomy place like anything else but the smooth slate erected alone in the middle of the huge hall tells me its main purpose: an altar. On these same icy stones, thousand of years ago, my father, still a baby, was laid down by his own father, left to die because too small and thin. Who knows which stone greeted his scant weight and the tears that must have poured from his eyes, tears of cold, hunger and fear.   
I walk around, slowly, inspecting the slabs one by one thinking that after all, Odin did well saving him because even if my father is the prince of chaos and deceit, he is very important to the balance of the universe. After all, Asgard owes much to Loki Laufeyson, it’s thanks to his many talents if the Realm of Gods has never fallen and surrendered the invasions that it suffered in time. 

Too long time has passed by and the return path is long, it is only a palace but it’s a palace fit for Frost Giants and I have walked a lot to come here. Before leaving, I lean down and I take a small piece of ice from one of the slabs, it glows unnaturally blue on my palm, I smile and I put it into the small bag I carried with me.   
The small shard of ice seems to release its own light and force, it almost seems like my father’s strength is beside me and comforts me.   
I know I have betrayed and disappointed him because of my decisions but I trust he will be always with me as I will be always with him.


	4. Memories coming back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The silence of Jotunheim stirs Sigur's memories that come up to the surface. The young princess thinks of the relationship between her father and her uncle.

Finally the Jotnar are getting used to my presence and no longer look on me, they must be now persuaded that I am not here to spy on them and that nobody sent me here, that this has been my own decision even if completely weird to them. They acknowledge that their world is hostile and that it’s quite awkward that I decided to spend some time in this dark and cold place rather than staying in my Asgardian gilded rooms.  
Their leader, the one that replaced Laufey after his departure at the hand of my father, has finally decided to meet me and set a consultation for tomorrow morning. I am so impatient and I don’t think I will be able to sleep, this night.

Nights on Jotunheim are so silent…

When the darkness falls on this reign, the silence is so absolute that it even sounds deafening, broken only by the far, long and hoarse howlings of the animals that dwell on this planet. There is no light, no voices. I still don’t know if the Jotnar have a form of socialization, if they have meeting points but by the silence that prevails when the dim light turns into darkness, I would say that there is none. Only me, thanks to my magic, I light a small, bright intensely bluish flame, the same colour of Tesseract which is carefully guarded in the treasure vault of Asgard. I sometimes look at it and daydream thinking how this flame is somehow a metaphor of my life: a small spark of hope in the utter darkness.   
If I look back, looking at the past 20 years of my life, I don’t see much to be happy. I acknowledge I have been on the brink of defeat many times and to have thought of the end, that a well dealt stroke of a sword might have been the best way to put an end to everything. Then, I’ve always pondered that taking my own life would gain me anything, on the contrary, it would only ensure a long stay in my sister Hela’s reign.   
Nevertheless, I must be honest and say that I have never met too much understanding, not even from people closer to me. I hoped I could count on my father, I really hoped it but when I paid him a visit, he treated me with irritation and annoyance because I still cannot forget all what happened. Like a common Midgardian father, he pointed out that he had warned me, that I should have known Thor’s childish behaviour, his complete inability to devote himself to someone or something for long time, except for his questionable commitment to the protection of Midgard. I know that he still considers my marriage like a betrayal, a personal outrage but I still haven’t understood if this is what irritates him most, more than my sorrow and endless sadness.   
My mother has never sounded off, also in this case I don’t know if it’s because of the shame of seeing her own daughter repudiated by her partner or because this partner is the Crown Prince.   
Aunt Bay is so busy with her new Midgardian life… She was close to me, one of the few people to be and I am grateful to her but now she has more to think of, a baby on its way. I am happy for her even if seeing her so happy next to her partner sharpens my loneliness.   
Erik is next to me, he helps me and it’s sweet to see how he is trying in any possible and allowed way to replace his father, to be “the family man”. 

And he?

He leads his life as always. I don’t know if he’s the victim of a spell (sometimes I do believe it) that allows him to live his life as if he wasn’t a married man and father of a wonderful son.   
I sometimes think that my father never entirely understood his own brother; all his life he considered him as a spoilt kid to whom everything is due because he is the first born, a big, impetuous boy dangerous for himself and for the Realm. My father demands my complete trust in his plans and ideas and he has it most of times but when it’s about his point of view about Thor, well… I cannot agree with him.  
I think this has always been my father’s most serious mistake, a gross misunderstanding that one would never expect from him. He has always underrated Thor, always considered him as slave to his own instincts, his fiery character, unable of deep thoughts and feelings. My father has always refused to see him as he is: a crown prince, right, but because of this, always concerned about being the best, looking valid in front of his father and it isn’t easy when the reference point is Odin himself. This tendence to the perfection creates insecurity and worry which is hard to manage and show when everybody thinks you are the perfect specimen. My father never understood how steadfast are Thor’s feelings and because of this, his sudden estrangement isn’t easy to understand and I am inclined to think of a spell that enchained his heart.   
Thor isn’t a spoilt kid or a teenager in a hormonal crisis: he is a man forced to look strong and determined even when his heart is weak, when wavers and fears the consequence of his own decisions. It mustn’t be easy to bear the burden of a dynasty and suffer because of the tricks of his own brother, witness his inexhaustible jealousy, see his trust in him crumbling down every time.   
So many times I saw disappointment in his eyes, when he was still trying to conceal it by telling me that he was sorry for an ill-fated hunt but then I grew up and I understood that the cause of everything was and still is my father.   
I think that paradoxically, the continual attacks from my father got me closer to Thor, helped me see beyond the surface of the thundering prince, discover his most intimate and sensitive side and made me understand that he’s the example of the perfect Asgardian, how one should be privately and publically.   
This is why I wish to be worth of him, to have his perseverance, his tenacity and wait… wait patiently other twenty years if the case, other two hundred years until his return.


End file.
